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FiSh'S DiArY

Tuesday, 06 September 2011

The first day that you leave

Today is the first day after you gone to Paris.

Miss you much and keep thinking about you...

Suddenly, found out that to be seperated with you for a lil while could be a good thing for us.

I'm thinking about all those silly things that you did, stupid BB language that you speak, sweet messages that you sent to me, lovely photos that you took by yourself...... so many happy happy memories with my BB.

Hope these memories, can help me to go through these few weeks........

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

My BB is now at the Diesel Party, I was supposed to join you, but I'm indeed too tired~ hehe~ so I come back home earlier~

It's the 8th month from the date we back together, I'm really looking forward to celebrate our first year anniversary. Already feel so sweet to just think about it.

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Miss you too much BB... It hurts and let me feel unsecure.

What I can do now?

Tuesday, 08 March 2011

It has been a long time since the last time I wrote a "blog".

Thought that I would never write it anymore, thought that everything would end.

Lots of things happened during the past two years, and finally, we're back together. Life is so unpredictable and we never know what each day will bring.

Tell you what, I still haven't walked out of the shadow, but I'm trying my best as I love you.

Happy that you've changed, you become so different from the last time I was with you. However, how long would it last? Who knows.

Thursday, 26 March 2009

I just can't treat him bad, really upset me when I know what I'm doing is upseting him. It hurt me more, don't want to hear his sad voice, his sad face. Whenever I I think about it, it seems like I'm doing something to hurt myself. Hard to explain. However, to upset him is what I want now, isn't it? Oh, God, tell me what to do. Just let me end all this as soon as possible and never look back. Okay? I just want to let myself out.
Really hard to believe that this guy is a bastard. Although after I saw all the "fact", still can't stand what I know and what's happened.
I miss him. I've already gave him my soul. How my life would be to live without him? I just want him back. The only wish I have now, is to be with him forever and ever. But the thing I'm going to do is to let him know that I'm not gonna want to see him again and hate him forever. I think it is the only way to end all these. At least, I know he doesn't want to be with me anymore at this moment which is my time to quit. Maybe, he's in love with someone else, maybe, I'm as unimportant as what I think in his heart. I don't know. How could I know?
Tomorrow, I'm going to make a decision. From tomorrow on, I'll turn into a bitch. That's what I want, isn't it? huh? I'm confuse. Deep down in my heart, I know I love this guy and if only I know he loves me and I'm important to him, I am willing to spend the rest of my life to be with him. No matter he's poor, sick or anything..... I'll be with him. however, what I see and what I feel is, he doesn't need me and doesn't want me anymore. No more reason to stay. Then I chose a cruel way, a cruel way for me to leave, so that there won't be any chance for me to look back, to accept all the fact.
If I let him know I love him, will he appreciate with it? No, no, no. Don't think so. Stop thinking anything silly, I've been such an idiot for long time enough. Brave Fifi. Do the right thing and let yourself out.
Finally, want to say it here. I love you, I miss you. my lovely little long long. I really want to stay with you forever, want to spend all my time with you, you are the one for me. Don't want to let you go, but if I do so, then it's not me. I can't suffer it anymore. Goodbye forever.

Saturday, 21 March 2009

Again, feeling so blue tonight, the worst effect of not going out and staying home alone during the weekend night. Am I going to be like this for the rest of my life? It seems like I will never get over it. It seems so hard now. I thought it's so easy, >,< maybe I should say it was easy before I saw him again after broken up. Huh... have been crying for two nights. What I can do to stop it? I can't bear it anymore, it's overloaded.

Wednesday, 18 March 2009

One year ago, he was in Singapore as well and I got his messages everyday which could warm my heart much. A year later, he went to Singapore again, however, I haven't got any messages from him for these 2 weeks. I'm just wondering how can things change that fast, wondering if the memory that I have is true or not. I've just send him a message, but no reply. Then, I started to feel that he wasn't really existed, the entire story was made up by myself.

Without him, my life become meaningless. During these 3 months, time began to trip along much more quickly than before. Sleep, wake up, go to school and parties in the weekends, a effortless pattern to follow.

Everytime when I heard his name or even just think about him, I can hardly breathe. Don't know how can I still survive after suffering all this pain. I'm now numb for everything, except him.

I admit, I need him, need him like a drug. What I want is to be with him. "So what, who cares?" ya, no one cares, only me. Though, I can't stop all these. I'm hopeless. Things will get better only if I can erase all the memory I have, which is something impossible.

Monday, 09 March 2009

Two more years left, then will be time for me to say good-bye to everyone. *Sigh*

Monday, 02 March 2009

"It's not that difficult." Yes, I know, it's easy to say but hard to do.
"Lovely Fi?" Oh no, I'm lonely Fi now.
"To pretend?" Huh, okay. I'm good at pretending, but don't want to, as I've said it before.